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Date & time Oct 13
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What you told us about women

Read more from him at his website, GoodInBed.

After posting yesterday on The Chart about female infidelity, an outpouring of comments more than 1,200 so far sprang forth, some of which took issue with my opening line that "in a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even truer when it's the female partner who's been doing the cheating."

My intention was not to downplay the danger of male infidelity, or to unfairly demonize female infidelity, but rather to offer the observation that men and women frequently cheat for different reasons, and that by the time a woman has reached the point of infidelity she's often emotionally vacated her primary relationship, making it all the harder to engage in a meaningful process of recovery.

On that point, an important theme that came through loud and clear in the comments was that there is a pervasive double standard in society when it comes to infidelity in general, and that women are encouraged pendant love cartier knock off (via media and often by their female peers) to suck it up and stick it out, whereas men do not experience the same pressure to forgive and forget.

"I had a debate on this a couple of months ago and most of the men said a woman should not cheat, but that she should accept a man cheating as normal. A few of the men said cheating was wrong for both parties and obviously, all of the cartier pendant love imitation women said cheating was wrong for both parties. Nearly all of the men said they would leave their woman if she cheated on them while nearly all of the women said they would give their man another chance."

This double standard ends up doing a lot of damage: Many women that would like to leave and probably should leave often end up staying, and conversely many men who would like to potentially stay and work it out cannot find an authentic support system, or a way of transcending the blow to their ego.

Another persistent theme in the comments was the pain of infidelity, regardless of which sex is doing the cheating. Infidelity packs multiple blows: There not only the trauma of the infidelity itself, but also the web of lies and deceit often perpetuated in the aftermath. Many, if not most, couples do choose to stay together post infidelity, but that doesn't mean that their relationship ever truly recovers.

Infidelity cuts deep and leaves a scar (if you're lucky); the alternate is an open wound that never heals. With infidelity, the couples who recover are not the ones who forgive and forget, but rather "forgive and remember," and use that memory to stay committed to the process of transparency.

In yesterday's article I fake cartier chain ring wrote "cheating is an equal opportunity sport, one that women are just as likely as men to play" and throughout the explosion of comments it was truly invigorating to being reminded of the other side: Not everyone cheats

"I am a woman who has never cheated and never will. I have more respect for myself than that. The one man who did cheat on me? I walked away from and never looked back. All woman (sic) don cheat. Neither do all men."

Well said, and thank you everyone!

I refuse to believe a human being can rationalize with themselves to the extent of deciding an action like cheating is wrong, then do it anyway. If you cheat it because you want to. There is no abstract, poetic, or emotional battle when it comes to cheating, you can control yourself at all times. That being said I do not agree with most of the people talk about when it comes to cheating. Being a coward is the only one that comes to mind. I was cheated on when I was in college to a person I was engaged to. It was very painful, but it was more confusing then anything else.

I couldn stop asking myself why did this person cheat when I told them on more then one occasion that if they ever felt like straying, just leave me and do what makes you happy. Since then I realized I never truly understood marriage. With all its blessings and benefits the one thing people forget to mention is that there is no such thing as a successful marriage. I an atheist so god has nothing to do with my relationships, so what does a ring and a contract change about a relationship. The answer is nothing. So knowing that because of human fallibility more then half of these false declarations of faith end in failure its a mystery to me as to why so many people see it as a decision I been with the same person for the last 11 years. No marriage, we have 3 kids, both have jobs we enjoy. We a team by choice, not by contract.

Those of you who try and justify your cheating experiences are cowards. You did not have the balls to end it with your meal ticket(what ever that expression means to you) before, and do not deserve a second chance. Victims, don stay with this person for the sake of your children. You yourself were a child at one point too. Your job as a parent is to raise and love your children, your job as a human being is to search for happiness for the rest of your life.

April 8, 2011 at 19:59

As a man, a dad and a FORMER husband, yes the pain is horrific! What got me most was what her cheating did to our kids. Kids at a young age just want mom and dad together. an affair, and worse introducing that other cheating man to the kids makes the kids heads spin like nothing else. Yes i agree, she checked out years ago and i just did not see the signs, but damn, REALLY! Not once, twice, but three times as i found out later. And this is a woman who is suppossed to help instill proper values and morals in our kids? well thats a battle that will be fought for years to come. The biggest mistake people make is putting others happiness before their own. Women tend to cheat because they are not happy at home, with their husband. Yes, breaking up knock off necklace love cartier a family unit is painful. But no one deserves to be stuck in a unhappy home. Should she cheat? No, of course not. But with women it normally develops slowly over time. The relationship grows and she trusts the other man. She sees him as a confidant to talk to, to vent to. It about selfishness. As they say, you make your own luck. My parents and my wife parents have both been married for over 4r years. We just babes in the woods, having been married for only nine, but our marriage is completely solid. Better, in fact, then ever.

That doesn mean there were not points on which we weren as judicious as we might have been, chief among them the speed with which we got married and the fact that my wife was a strong agnostic, really more of an atheist, and I am a Catholic Christian. She has since converted (just recently) and we worked through any issues stemming from getting married 15 months after we first met. You could say there was some luck involved in that part, maybe, but mostly it was perseverance and love. The greatest point on which I was judicious: choosing someone who was and is completely open and honest in communication, no secrets, and who is 100% secure in her relationship and in herself. I am 100% faithful, have never cheated and could not be induced by anyone to do so. Because of that, I simply cannot stomach being treated as untrustworthy without cause and will not take it. Thus, I made sure to choose someone who is secure and confident. I glad that hasn undermined your marriage and you stuck it out, congratulations. You a man of toughness and integrity.
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